


as if i would not another day

by larryink (blynrin)



Category: One Direction, One Direction (Band)
Genre: ALRIGHT FINISHED HELL YEAH, Alternate Universe, Baker Harry, Homeless AU, M/M, THIS IS SO WEIRD bc each chapter is totally different from the others, X-Factor, and a song about a boy with blue blue eyes, flowerchild Harry, flowercrowns n shit, harry writes in a journal songs and poems, idk man it shoulda been three diff fics, just like three different major parts of their lives, louis isn't, so... harry and gemma are homeless, they meet a a few times throughout their lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-11
Updated: 2014-07-11
Packaged: 2018-02-08 09:30:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1935783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blynrin/pseuds/larryink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>homeless au,</p><p> </p><p>  <i>"she'll be so happy with it. she loves my crowns," harry tells louis, voice and eyes bright. </i><br/><i>the older boy just stares at him in disbelief. "where do you live then, if you don't have your parents?" he asks.</i><br/><i>the curly haired one looks at his bare shins. "um, well sometimes it depends y'know? right now it's in the park, just through those trees." he points opposite of where louis had first come into the little clearing.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i changed the title from **upward over the mountain** to a line from a city and colour song, _hope for now_ , sorry if you got confused !!
> 
> i don't own the boys and this in no way reflects their real homelife situations or families
> 
> okay so this entire thing just like flew away from me bc it was originally just gonna be the first chapter but then i wanted them to interact more and it became this huge mess and now it's just so ugh dumb but i like it so i hope u do too !!

there's a rustling. harry's scared, but not really, because this is his safe haven, so it must be something harmless. but still, when did anything ever come here, to his field? he's never once seen anything larger than a deer, and even those don't go through the bushes. deer are nice, he thinks.  
it's not a deer, like he thought. the figure that steps through the long grasses and flowers is another boy, not much older than harry himself.  
he doesn't seem to notice harry at first, but when he does he gasps in surprise and his hand flies to his chest.  
the initial shock wears off quickly before the boy is frowning at him.  
"who are you?" he demands, voice high pitched and harry smiles because he seems so bossy but harry quite likes the way his blue eyes sparkle with kind mischief.  
"m'harry, who are you!" he replies, bright and happy as he cranes his head up, because he's still sitting criss-cross-applesauce in the flowers and the boy with golden skin is now standing directly above him. harry has to rearrange the crown of flowers in his hair to make sure they don't slip from his curls, smile never slipping.  
"louis," the boy says and harry rolls it over on his tongue for a moment before nodding happily.  
"do you want to make a crown with me?" he asks, picking a flower and holding it up for louis to inspect. "i make them because this is my kingdom, and i'm the ruler," he says conspiratorially. "you can be my knight if you'd like," he offers.  
the boy, louis, looks at him strangely for a moment before a small smile breaks out over his pretty features and he sits down across from harry mumbling "sure, okay, why not?" 

the two boys sit in the field for a long time, until the once high sun rests low behind the trees. it's only when louis glances up and notices just how much time has passed that they stop, him saying his mum must be so worried, and harry shrugging and saying he should probably head back too, then.  
"isn't your mum wondering where you are?" louis asks him, surprised at his carefree nature.  
harry smiles back at him. "mum's not around anymore, and neither is my dad. my sister gemma takes care of me. she's thirteen," he says proudly. "this is her crown!" he says, raising said crown high up into the air. his bare toes wriggle around in the dirt for a few seconds as he stretches to his full height, arms high above his head with the crown resting in his fingers. "she'll be so happy with it. she loves my crowns," harry tells louis, voice and eyes bright.  
the older boy just stares at him in disbelief. "where do you live then, if you don't have your parents?" he asks.  
the curly haired one looks at his bare shins. "um, well sometimes it depends y'know? right now it's in the park, just through those trees." he points opposite of where louis had first come into the little clearing. "anyway, she could be worried too, i'm not sure, and you said you've got to head home too. i'll see you next time, louis! bye, thank you for making crowns with me," harry exclaims, latching himself to louis' side in a hug before running toward the side of the clearing where the park is. 

\--

harry is sitting on a bench when gemma walks up with a shopping bag. he smiles excitedly when she brings out a bag of bread rolls, two boxes of raisins and three apples. "this is a lot of food, gemma! where did you get it all?" he asks her, winding his arms around her torso and holding tight. she pats his hair, smiling sadly down at him before asking "did you make me a crown, haz?" and he's so excited to show it to her that he doesn't notice she avoided answering his question. 

\--

the next time harry and louis meet, it isn't the next day, or the day after that, or any of the days following.  
no, it's three years later. harry is twelve, and they're not staying at the park anymore.  
they've been beaten, chased away, insulted, and ignored. harry likes the last one the best of the three. he's come to realize that the world isn't what he thought it was, that people aren't as good as he naively figured as a child. but the earth is just the same, nature just as comforting as he always thought. mother nature is almost as nurturing as gemma, he thinks.  
harry doesn't have clothes that fit him anymore, his early growth spurts leaving him and gemma at a loss. she herself has gotten a job, but it doesn't pay much for the long hours she puts in, because it's all under the table dealings.  
harry has stopped making flower crowns, but he continues to go around barefoot in just his jean shorts and dirty white t-shirt. instead, he occupies his time writing in his journal, a gift gemma had bought him for his tenth birthday with her first "paycheck." harry hasn't set it down since. 

he's sitting on the pavement outside of the public library, leaning against the solid brick wall when a voice says his name, confused and much older than he remembers. _duh_ , he thinks.  
"harry?" it says again, closer, and he finally looks up to bright blue eyes and tan skin. a blinding smile takes over harry's face, though, when he sees the boy.  
"hi louis!" he says, leaning over his journal to block out the sun glaring at him from behind the caramel haired boy. "what are you doing here?"  
"i could ask you the same question..." louis replies, dumbstruck. his eyes are looking over harry, and harry wonders briefly what he must look like to this immaculate being, with his blackened feet, dirty hair, and too small clothes. _homeless,_ his brain supplies uselessly.  
"i'm waiting for gemma," he says simply. "she should be coming by in about three hours."  
"you're gonna sit here for _three hours?_ " louis asks in disbelief.  
"well, yeah. i'm here for about seven every day," harry shrugs. just then his stomach growls and he frowns a bit.  
the noise seems to startle louis out of whatever trance he's in, and he quickly looks around before back at the boy on the ground before him, looking just as happy as the day he first saw him in a field of flowers. "are you hungry?" he asks, reaching a hand down for harry as he says it.  
harry takes the hand and lets himself be pulled to his calloused feet, but shakes his head anyway. "nah, 'm used to it."  
that doesn't appease the older boy at all. blue blue eyes that still shine with a bit of mischief. louis shakes his head. he looks so different from the eleven year old version of himself, yet very much the same. "c'mon, i'll get you something to eat."  
harry frowns and doesn't move to follow louis. when the older boy notices this, he turns in confusion. "what? what's wrong?" he walks back to stand before harry, looking down at him.  
"why do you care?" harry blurts out, not accusingly. he's just so confused. people aren't nice. they're mean. he's learned that. the world is a cruel place and he was born into it with no guide.  
louis looks baffled and at a loss for words. instead of answering, he simply takes harry's hand and drags the bare-footed boy with him to a food stand.  
harry lets louis order for him. 

\---

later, he makes a flower crown and writes in his journal a song about blue blue eyes that match the sky and a day in a meadow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so like this is weird ?? if u wanna just read the forst chapter, the second and third are continuous but also really bad haha. 
> 
> anyway, unbeta'd, all mistakes my own, these are just characters with the names of two famous boybanders and don't reflect their actual lives and families etc.

there's a fight. harry's scared, but not really. gemma is at his side and they're escaping from the scene, but gemma is hurt just a bit and harry is hurt more than a bit and bleeding a lot. there's guys chasing them and they got caught in the middle of something they know nothing about, but they can't think about that when they need to think about getting away.  
harry's side is bleeding and he thinks he was stabbed but he's not sure because his side is numb. there's a dull ache in his stomach, though, and he probably would throw up if there was anything inside to throw up. instead, they keep stumbling along and they don't hear anything behind them anymore. a darkness tries to take him but her words in his ear are insistent, "stay awake, harry, don't you dare close your eyes."

there's a light up ahead, and harry's scared, but not really. that's the park, and behind that is a field where he crafted flowercrowns for his sister alongside a boy with caramel hair and fire in his eyes.  
he's been leaning heavily on gemma for what feels like miles but was probably really thirty feet.  
"i need to set you down for a bit, okay? just stay against this, out of sight. i'll be right back, hazza. i need to go collect our bags, stay right here and stay quiet. keep pressure on this, alright? and do _not_ close your eyes," she whispers to him in her adult tone, because she's 18 now and much too old for such a young age.  
he thinks he probably was stabbed because when he looks down, there's a slit in his shirt where a knife had gone through, the fabric surrounding it soaked in blood.  
the darkness returns to harry before gemma does. 

\---

voices wake harry up and he's in a bed and it's unfamiliar, the smell and the lighting and there's noises, many voices that mix together and don't quite reach his ears and it's all too much, he starts panicking and his heart is beating wildly in his ears and his side burns like a bitch and then there's a familiar voice in his ear, his sister, soothing him. gemma is here, his eyes find her face and she smiles down at him but it doesn't quite reach her eyes.  
"hey gem," he says but his voice cracks and it sounds more like a weak croak than anything. "water?" he asks.  
he's not expecting the tan hand that enters his vision, holding a cup of water. he takes it greedily, drinking it down before looking at the body attached to the hand and finding his knight.  
"louis?" he asks, confused. "what-" he looks at gemma then. "what's going on?"  
his sister looks like she's eighty years old. not actually, but her hair is frizzy and her cheeks sunken and skin dirty. harry is used to her looking like that, he usually does too, but her eyes are dull and lifeless and that's what really scares him.  
"gemma, are you okay?" he asks and her eyes fill up with tears and then she's collapsing onto his chest and sobbing and he has no idea what's going on aside from the pain in his side and his sister and louis and his head hurts now.  
he pats her back soothingly. "it's okay, gem, shh." his fingers wind through her hair while he looks at the boy beside his bed.  
louis has stayed silent this entire time, even when harry addressed him, but now he reaches out and places a hand on harry's bicep. "hi there, curly," he says, and his voice is just as high pitched as harry remembers. he takes comfort in it.  
"what do you remember, harry?" gemma speaks up from where she's resting her head on his chest, mindful of the wound above his hip.  
he remembers a misunderstanding, yelling, getting shoved, a knife in his side. he tells them this, shrugging his shoulders as his eyes drift over to louis again.  
"where are we?"

\---

gemma later tells harry that it took her a lot of effort to keep johannah- louis' mother, as it turns out- from taking him to the hospital. she says this with a fierce look in her eyes. "it's alright, though, because johannah has medical training and she fixed you up. you weren't that bad, just a lot of blood loss since we ran for so long with it open. she says you should be fine to get up and walk around in a few days."  
there's a knock on the door that makes the siblings raise their heads. it cracks open a bit and a woman is standing there with a tray in her hands. she enters cautiously and smiles down at harry. "glad to see you're awake," she greets him, shutting the door behind her. "i'm johannah, or jay. i've got you some food if you're hungry."  
harry smiles up at her while gemma stiffens beside him. when he looks over at her, her mouth is set in a thin line but she just meets his eyes and nods her head. it puts him on edge. "thank you," he tells jay, and she sets the tray down on the nightstand by his head.  
"how are you feeling?" she asks him.  
weak and useless, he thinks. "sore, my side hurts like a bitch but thats whatever." he's had broken ribs, it's not like pain is a new concept to him.  
she nods and sits down next to him and the bed dips and his body tilts awkwardly. he stays silent.  
gemma's voice comes from his right. "we appreciate you helping us," she says quickly, her voice strained. gemma doesn't like strangers and she doesn't like owing anyone anything. johannah saved harry's life and that's something that can't be repaid.  
jay waves her hand and smiles. "what choice did i have? it's not as if i could have sent you away."  
 _plenty of others have_ , harry thinks, but again he keeps silent. 

\---

"i remembered you telling me about the boy beyond the field you would hang out with, harry. i've seen your journal- don't give me that, you left it laying around- and you mention him often.  
"i panicked, i didn't know what to do and i thought you were going to _die_. i brought you to the first place i could think. good call, huh?" gemma's eyes are shining and harry understands. she's been taking care of him for years, they're eighteen and fourteen and the only friends they've made are with each other.  
sure, there's acquaintances and stuff, always are when you live on the streets but it's not the same thing. everyone is out for themselves and harry and gemma have always looked out for just the two of them. 

louis' a different factor altogether. 

\---

it's two days before harry is healed up enough to walk around that they hear the voices and the many sets of footsteps. the voices sound like they belong to girls, high pitched and loud and _does louis have sisters?_ harry's wondering this right when the boy in question slips through the bedroom door and shuts it quickly behind him. he locks eyes with harry and grins a blinding smile. gemma's asleep in the only chair in the room, so louis walks over and sits by harry's side on the bed.  
"sorry, i couldn't stand the excitement. my sisters are back from my dad's and they're extremely hyped up on sugar and whatever else he gave them."  
harry frowns. "i didn't know you had sisters," he says, and louis laughs.  
"how could you have?" and oh, that's right.  
harry answers with a shrug, mouth curling down at the corners. louis smiles warmly at him, opens his mouth to say something else when the door handle starts jiggling and there's a loud whine of " _boobear,_ open the door! we want to see him!" harry's laugh bursts out of him, hurts his side a bit from the suddenness of it, before louis rolls his eyes and stands up. he unlocks the door but holds the handle as he speaks through the wood. "okay, but be gentle and _do not_ jump on him. he's injured."  
there's a moment where harry is warmed by louis watching out for him before there's two wide sets of eyes looking at him. "...hello," he starts with and louis introduces the girls as lottie and fizzy.  
"are you a hobo?" the youngest asks, and harry's eyes grow to the size of saucers. 

\---

it's four in the morning, three days after harry's first steps since the fight, and he and gemma are packing their things.  
he feels so guilty about leaving in the dead of night, but he has no choice, really. gemma's words echo in his ears as well, her reassurances that _"they'll do fine without a few cans of food and some bedding, they won't miss us, we're just burdens on the lot of them,"_ her whispered _"we only stayed this long for you, we're in their debt and that's bad, we can take care of ourselves,"_ her hissed _"we don't need their_ pity, _hazza, we're not bloody charity cases, we'll do fine on our own, we always have."  
 _not this time__ , he thinks, but stays silent.  
harry lets her take care of all this while he carries the three blankets they're taking, acting as if the cookie jar she'd stuck her hand in had really been full of cookies, that the wad of cash she hides in her bra is a trick of the light.  
harry shuts his brain down and doesn't think about the fact that the kindness shown to them is being repaid in theft and early morning departure.  
he doesn't think about how it could be another three, five, _ten_ years before he sees louis again.  
 _maybe never,_ his mind supplies, because why would he want to see harry after they rob them in the middle of the night and leave without a trace, not even a goodbye?  
louis probably won't even remember his name, given time. he'll just remember the homeless kid with greasy hair and blackened feet, who once showed him how to make flower crowns in a meadow and let him buy harry a meal.  
 _insignificant_ , but when isn't he?

__harry and gemma leave, and don't look back._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments appreciated x  
> find me on tumblr at zaynink


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, last chapter ! unbeta'd, fictional, blah blah

there's a bakery, small and quaint in a corner of town that not many people visit. the woman working there is older, her face weathered and lined with laughter. harry takes shelter there on his way back to where he and gemma are staying, sitting in a small armchair in the back. the storm outside is harsh and harry is glad he wasn't in it for long. 

he watches the woman greet the few customers who stop by, obviously regulars and close friends by how friendly they are together.   
he leans his head up against the back of the chair, pulling his legs to his chest and sits there for hours while he waits the storm out. no use getting sick now, not when he's recovering, his side still healing itself it'd be a pain trying to care for himself when he's still weak, and adding a cold on top of that would nearly bring him to death. gemma is too busy to stay with him, working to pay rent for their shitty one bedroom flat. it's the cheapest they could find, but it's a roof over their heads. she's been saving for this forever and he feels guilty enough that he can't do much more than sing on the sidewalk for some spare change. he's useless. 

\---

there's a hand on his shoulder, and harry almost lashes out before he realizes he's still in the bakery, and the woman is shaking him awake. her eyes and kind and so is her smile, though she'd stepped back a bit when he'd jolted upright.   
"you fell asleep on me there, i was afraid you wouldn't ever wake up," she laughs, and harry likes her immediately. he gets nothing but good vibes from her, and she hadn't kicked him out all day. he's obviously homeless, with his old clothes and shoeless feet, but she hadn't commented on it at all.   
"m'sorry, i-"  
"you must be very tired to have slept in that position for four hours. i'm barbara, who are you sweetie?" she asks, extending a hand to help him up.   
"harry, my name is harry. i really appreciate you letting me wait out the storm-" her hand waves in the air, dismissing his words.   
"of course, it's not like you were bothering anyone. would you like something to eat?"  
harry shakes his head. he won't take charity, no matter how hungry he is. "i couldn't let you do that."  
she scoffs, turning around to go back behind the counter. despite his protests, she starts wrapping up a bunch of the baked goods. "nonsense, it will go to waste anyway. you can help me close up, though, if you'd rather work for it. grab that broom, will you?" she asks him, and that's that. 

\---

two years later, harry is at the counter of the bakery in his apron and gemma is leaning over it, hands and eyes wild.   
"you have _got_ to try out, haz, you'll never get another chance. it's the x-factor, do you know what could happen if you won? you'd be a star, you'd be so well off and it would be all because of _you_. you're fucking talented." gemma concludes, only to be scolded by barbara for using that language in her store. his sister sheepishly ducks her head for a moment, before raising it again.  
"please, harry, just try it out. if you don't make it through, at least you tried?"

\---

he makes it through. he fucking makes it through, and simon cowell even said he was brilliant, and what-   
he is just so overwhelmed. he's sixteen without a real home and now he's going to be on actual television. gemma envelops him in a hug when he gets backstage, nearly crying. he doesn't know exactly what to do now, he's so giddy he thinks he might puke. actually, he probably will-  
"gems, lemme go i have- i have to go to the bathroom right now _right now_ ," he tells her and she lets go of him quick enough for him to sprint to the nearest restroom.   
he gets in and spills all the contents of his stomach into one of the toilets. he can't believe he just stood up in front of all those people and cameras and sang stevie wonder, can't believe he brought all that attention on himself when his entire life has been him and gemma trying so hard _not_ to be noticed.   
he sits kneeling on the floor for another few minutes, long enough for the door to open and someone come in to wee. he finally stands up, gags a little, and then flushes the toilet.   
"nervous?" someone asks him, and harry laughs.   
"no, i'm just really fucking glad i.... made.... it...." harry's sentence trails off when he walks out of the stall and sees brown hair and blue blue eyes.   
louis and harry stare at each other for a long time, just taking the other in. finally, louis steps closer to him and just stares into his eyes. "you're not wearing a flower crown," is what he finally says, and harry touches his curls.   
"i haven't worn one in years."   
louis looks saddened by that.   
"maybe we should change that, yeah? you said you made it through, right? that's great, so did i. guess we'll be seeing each other a lot, huh?" louis smiles as he opens the door for harry.  
he feels like throwing up again. doesn't louis remember what he did? what he and gemma had done?  
he glances back at louis to see the older boy walking directly behind him, a slightly bewildered look in his eyes. he doesn't look angry or upset or, like, revengeful or anything. just surprised, maybe. harry can relate. 

\---

he doesn't see much of louis, and he doesn't make it through. he's so upset and disappointed in himself, but he covers it up with anger. he's let gemma and himself down. oh god, what must she think of him? barbara, too, what would she think?

he wants to cry but won't give anyone that satisfaction. 

"harry styles?"

his head whips up. what do they want now? there's other names being called, and he hears louis'. he looks around for the older boy but doesn't see him until he's standing on a stage with four other boys, one being louis. there's niall, liam, and zayn, and simon is standing in front of them telling the five boys that they're not going home, they're in a group. 

harry's so ecstatic. he grabs louis, and louis wraps his entire self around him, and they're still in, simon just said they're still in. 

he's gonna make a name for himself, everyone else be damned. he's harry styles and he has his knight and three new friends and he's so proud of himself he could cry. 

instead, he puts louis down and kisses him. 

 

louis kisses him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the shit ending !! wrote this on two hours of sleep at 2:32 am and i just wanted to finish it. hope you enjoyed !! send me an ask or anything if ur confused :)

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr at villainry
> 
> kudos and comments appreciated xx


End file.
